HOMESTAYS AND FAMILY INFORMATION
Be prepared to meet your homestay family....right away!
Mayfe Ortega Haboud, the Ecuadorian Coordinator, selects families who are suitable for hosting students. She will work with you and the program directors on any issues that arise regarding the family homestay part of the program. For this reason, it is absolutely essential that all students complete a homestay application and be truthful and sincere with your responses. Once you are placed with a family it is difficult to make further adjustments unless there are compelling reasons and other families are available.
We suggest reading anything you can find about Ecuadorian culture as a good preparation for your homestay. Talking to past participants who have lived with host families is also a good way to get an idea of the breadth and diversity of homestays. It‘s not fair to generalize about the typical homestay family there anymore than it‘s fair to generalize about a typical U.S. family.
A family stay gives you the opportunity to get to know Ecuadorian culture, which places central importance on family life. The homestay offers perhaps the most sympathetic environment for learning and testing new skills in intercultural interaction. A family is usually eager to learn about its new guest, and family members extend a warm welcome and hospitality to put you at ease. Of course, you will find many opportunities to make cultural "mistakes" in the homestay environment, but the consequences are less threatening than in an academic setting, and you are more likely to learn from whatever mistakes you make. Your Ecuadorian family can also provide the added benefit of acting as an extremely accurate cultural informant, showing you Latin American values and norms as well as common language usage.
No one can tell you what type of personal relationship you will have with your host family. Most former program participants have enjoyed the homestay experience and have benefited considerably from interacting on a personal basis with the family members. However, some students have had less satisfying experiences because friendships were never really formed and open communication never developed enough to allow the parties involved to discuss and solve problems.
Following are a few suggestions and some basic information that we hope will help you make the necessary adjustments to living with a family in Quito. Please keep in mind that these are only general guidelines.
You will benefit most from your homestay experience by being: open minded, observant, sensitive to both verbal and nonverbal cues, and asking when you are unsure what to do. You will gain the most by being flexible and willing to adjust your U.S. lifestyle to the ways of your Ecuadorian family. You need to be open to change and accept new experiences as they come. Some families were disappointed because some students came with the misconception that they would have the same liberties and freedom that they have in a college dorm, or in their home in the U.S. Many families have hosted students before. Families chosen to host students range from young couples with young children, to middle-aged couples with high school or college-aged children, to older people whose children have grown up and moved out of the house. With the variety of families, a student should expect his or her relationship with the family to range from being simply a tenant, to being a guest, to being treated as a member of the Ecuadorian family.
How well you get along with your family not only depends on the family but to a great extent on you. You are working to establish the relationship as much as they are. Do not expect to feel at home if you go traveling every weekend and spend all your spare time with your North American friends. If YOU use the family as a hotel, you cannot possibly expect a good relationship with them. Follow basic rules of respect.
Be aware that Quito is NOT a U.S. city and that it is extremely unrealistic to expect your family to have your "politically correct" and individualist way of viewing the world. Learning to understand and tolerate others' viewpoints is one of the most sublime lessons of a study abroad experience.
EXPECTATIONS
Generally speaking, Ecuadorian families tend to be more traditional than most U.S. families, and there are some expectations of which you should be aware. Even though the families are told that young men and women are treated relatively equally in the United States, many of the young women may be told they should come home early, or not spend time with certain individuals.
In general, Ecuadorian families are more conservative in their lifestyles in comparison to U.S. families. Get prior permission, usually a day or more, before inviting a girlfriend or boyfriend to visit you in your home. Never take a friend of the opposite sex to your room. And, never arrive drunk at home with friends with the expectation that you‘re going to continue to party...no, no!
You are almost never first seen or judged as an individual. You will be seen first as a North American or "from the Oregon group". Please keep in mind that your individual actions will reflect on the group as a whole. It is, therefore, important to think about your actions and avoid making a bad impression. Remember, you are the guest in the foreign country!
The amount of money you pay is an appropriate amount to support you in Quito. The families are not getting wealthy; they are covering expenses. Some are simply trying to survive the constant assault of inflation and the vagaries of the Ecuadorian economy.
In dealing with your family, try to solve problems as soon as they occur. Naturally, there are cultural differences and a language barrier. Unlike North Americans, the Ecuadorians tend to be subtle about many things and do not usually express their opinions and criticisms in as direct a manner as you are used to. Even though this different way of going about things may seem somewhat ambiguous, Ecuadorians manage to achieve understanding between themselves. At times you may face frustrations with this ambiguity; however, try not to get discouraged. At other times, they may seem disconcertingly frank. Be flexible. Above all, please remember that these families are doing a lot for you. Do not be unreasonable and expect more. Keep in mind that your family is not only feeding you and providing a room for you, they listen to you, teach you Spanish, and change their own family routines to accommodate you. These things are non-material and cannot be expressed in monetary terms.
FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
Ecuadorian lifestyles are quite different in some ways from the lifestyles of North Americans. There are many different roles played within each family. Students may have little contact with the husband or major breadwinner because they are often working and as a result rarely home. Much of your knowledge of family relationships may come through the person who is usually at home more often.
If you wish to cook, please ask! Many families appreciate an offer to prepare dinner occasionally or provide a new recipe they can enjoy.
It is an Ecuadorian custom to refuse first: "Oh no, don't do that!" But, the refusal is not always meant. Offer your services a couple of times until you are able to determine what the person really wants or means.
COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER
Speak Spanish as much as possible. Most families have one or two members who read and understand English. Even though a family member may understand English, his/her English may not be good in conversation, and you may have to try your hand at pantomime. Even a little extra Spanish learned between now and the time you arrive in Quito will be surprisingly helpful and appreciated by your hosts. Any attempt by a foreigner to speak Spanish is greatly appreciated and respected.
Ecuadorians are generally more expressive than people from the United States. It doesn't mean a family is fighting if the voices are raised, only that the discussion is getting lively. At first it will be very hard to understand everything that is said to you. Don't pretend that you understand if you really don't. People would prefer that you ask them to speak slower or repeat what they have said rather than make them believe you have understood them when you haven't. If you can't say what you want to say, try to communicate with your hands and with facial expressions.
PROBLEMS
If you feel you are having serious problems with your family, please confer immediately with the program coordinators. Do not try to solve the problem yourself as the language barrier and subsequent misunderstandings seem to be the cause of trouble in most cases.
COMMON COURTESIES
Each member of an Ecuadorian family has a different role. If you can be sensitive to the role of each household member and watch how they behave, you will be able to discover your own place in the family.
When you meet the various members of the host family, ask what name or form of address you should use, and let them know in turn what you like to be called. As a foreigner you will be seen as a representative of your country. Even though your Ecuadorian family may accept you and your behavior because you are a U.S. student, remember to show basic consideration. For example, remember to say your greetings and good-byes when you enter or leave the house, and show concern and appreciation for each family member. It can be considered extremely RUDE to come into the house and go directly to your room. Notify your host mother, if possible, before a meal is prepared if you plan to be away at mealtime. Inform your family where you are going when you leave the house.
Although we don't expect you to spend a lot of money acquiring a new wardrobe, we suggest that you take some nice clothing with you. Shorts for men or women are fine for sporting activities, but are not usually worn by Ecuadorians to the university or parties.
Try to show respect for their culture and realize that you are not only perceived as an individual, but also as a representative of the Portand State University program and the United States.